Transfers
by WerewolvesAreReal
Summary: One-shots about different crew transferring onto/off Enterprise. Mostly humor, some other types. Summary chapter 9: The temporary captain has broken The Rule; Do not speak badly of the ship. ESPECIALLY not before Scotty.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Series of one-shots mainly concerning how other crews might react to being on Enterprise or having the crewmembers on their ships, because there is just no way the Enterprise is the norm. Might be humorous or angsty, added to when inspiration hits.**

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Summary chapter 1: The Enterprise and another ship exchange several crewmembers briefly for an experimental program. Garon, Captain of the U.S.S. Mandar, decides this was a very bad idea.

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Captain Garon of the _U.S.S. Mandar _rubbed his face wearily as engineers scurried around the hissing communications console, the communications officer himself hovering about the bridge, flustered. Just yesterday they had been in a skirmish with a Klingon ship, despite the supposed 'peace' between the Klingons and the Federation. They had succeeded in chasing the Klingons away after it became clear that the _Mandar _would be victorious, which relieved the commander - Klingons could sometimes be fanatical enough to fight to the death instead of fleeing so 'dishonorably'. Unfortunately, the _Mandar_ had also been damaged in the attack, and there were still issues all over the ship, though why the Communications console was suddenly being affected escaped him completely.

"Sir, the console has been repaired and is safe to be used."

The communications officer scurried to his post, and Garon considered the engineer. He was not a part of Garon's crew, really. Starfleet had decided to switch around a few of the crew between the _Enterprise _and _Mandar _temporarilyto see if it might be beneficial to give new crewmembers experience serving under different commanders. Garon decided, upon seeing the engineer, science, and medical ensigns that this was a wise idea. Captain Kirk obviously was very lax with his crew, much to Garon's disapproval, if his crew's behaviour was anything to go by. They were, however, all highly praised for their skill, if they did not give superiors proper respect.

"Sir, we're getting hailed by the _Enterprise," _reported his com. officer, Nelson.

The Enterprise?

"Put it through, Lieutenant."

The image of the stars disappeared. Replacing it was a bridge similar to the one of the _Mandar, _though with slightly better quality and with different people. The man whom he presumed was Kirk looked relieved.

"Captain! I see Ensign Ferris is with you, good. We became concerned when none of our Ensigns checked in with us with their reports at the agreed time... Especially given the current... circumstances."

Cirumstances? "My apologies, Captain. It must have been forgotten in the excitement."

Garon, who had been up for much longer than he preferred, just shook his head, gesturing to the ensign. "Well, give your report, then."

Ferris shrugged, looking up at the screen. "Nothing too interesting, Sir. There was a minor incident yesterday with a Klingon fighter that fired on us, but they fled. Aside from that, nothing else in the whole two weeks. It's making us all nervous, with nothing happening. And a little bored, too."

_Bored? _That had been one of the most stressful encounters in Garon's eleven years as captain, heck, in his entire time in Starfleet, and this green ensign was calling it _boring?_

"Considering your colors, I think that would be a relief," said Kirk wryly. Garon didn't understand, but the ensign grimaced.

"Thanks for the reminder, Sir. Oh - Dan" if Garon was correct, that was the first name of the _Enterprise_'s science-ensign "would like to know if Mr. Spock has recovered."

"Ah... Partially. As you can see, he's not on the bridge. He lived through the arrow-wound, went back on light duty, but then one of the ensigns went mad and tried to kill him. Blew up part of Science where Mr. Spock was. He's mostly recovered, though."

"Anyone else hurt?"

"There was a mishap with a dignatary we were transporting, - apparently he was a spy for a terrorist group threatening his government, and decided to try and single-handedly take over the ship. Killed two security officers and one from engineering. Gave Scotty a broken wrist and I was a little banged up, but we're all right. Also, the crew has randomly started collapsing. Dr. McCoy suspects that it's a Klingon disease..."

"From one of the attacks when we were on board?"

"Yes, remember that female who beamed aboard?"

"Which time?"

"The attack just before you left."

"Oh, yes. She didn't seem sick, taking out the Security Chief like that..."

"No one does until they collapse. One of the yeomans seems near death, though, so it's serious. Dr. McCoy is working on a cure right now, and Mr. Spock is as well, I'm sure, when the Doctor isn't looking. We'll be continuously sending over any new information we get on the disease." The last part was directed to Garon. "I'm sorry about this. Terrible luck. Kirk out."

Garon blinked slowly at the serene stars as his science officer managed a strangled sound, her gaze fixed on the screen.

_Boring?_

Goran decided that he was quite fine with being called 'boring' when his crew began collapsing. Interestingly, the only people at all calm when the first _Enterprise _ensign collapsed were the other two, who would presumably be next. The CMO confirmed that their calmness was not a symptom.

Goran himself succumbed to the disease and was woken three days later with McCoy's cure, sent to their ship, and was informed that two 'red shirts' had died on the _Enterprise, _but the cure had reached his ship in time.

The three bored ensigns were taken back to the Enterprise two weeks later at the end of the transfer period. Garon only received two back, being informed that the third had turned in his resignation. The two were immediately in Sickbay for counselling. Garon sent his report in to Starfleet, recommending that ships be assigned counsellors for this sort of thing, because the doctor just didn't deal with mentally traumatized patients enough to help so much. He also informed them that the fledgling exchange program between ships should stop. Immediately.

Yes, boring was just fine.

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**Reviews please? Also, another one is bugging at me, though the next should be longer, so hopefully there will be another up soon. This one will be a little angsty, though, I'm thinking.**


	2. Xenophobia

**Summary: Mr. Spock and Commander Roland switch postitions temporarily. No one is very pleased about this, Especially xenophobic Captain Ganby.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, any of the characters, technology, so on.**

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Captain Kirk barely restrained himself from banging his head on the table in frustration.

His new first officer was an incompetant, worthless, foolish, and altogether _useless _person.

Mr. Spock had been posted temporarily with another ship. He wasn't quite sure why - there was some scandal concerning Commander Roland and one of the _Defiant's _yeoman, he had heard, that needed to be cleared up with Starfleet first. Circumstances aside... Roland was useless.

He had accepted that the Commander would not be like Mr. Spock. He knew that his first was best in the 'fleet, no contest. Aside from that, he was also science officer, while most first officers were just, well, first officers. Mr. Spock had cunning, allowing him to think and find solutions to whatever strange circumstances they ran into. His alien physiology could be helpful against things that could harm humans. He was loyal (that mutiny thing with Pike he didn't count), his closest friend, and he knew that anyone replacing him as First would not be the same.

He just hadn't expected Roland to be so _incompetant!_

He had completely panicked over a small incident with the transporter, for one. One of the ensigns beaming up had been turned to a child temporarily, and Roland had just about had a panic attack. He had had _no idea _what to do. Kirk had to consult different officers from science and Scotty and McCoy before it was agreed upon on how to fix the kid, Roland panicking in the background the whole while, insisting that _everyone _who had _ever _been on the transporter be checked over for problems. He hadn't said a single useful thing. Kirk didn't see the big deal - things like this happened all the time.

_Spock _wouldn't have panicked. _Spock _would have immediately deduced how to resolve the problem, for one, being Science Officer, and in any case would have been completely calm. Havng a panicky first officer was not so very good for crew morale, either, which was just a little ironic, with them being in _charge _of crew morale.

Someone was at his door. Kirk called for them to enter.

Roland.

"Sir, I'd like some clarification on your orders..."

Kirk _hated _Roland.

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"How far to the Starbase, lieutenant?" Captain Ganby asked. They just needed to pick up a dignatary to drop off for a peace talk between a pair of feuding planets.

"About an hour, Sir."

"Fifty-four minutes, twenty seven point four seconds, at current speed."

Ganby gritted his teeth. The navigator twitched, managing a pained smile.

"_Thank you, _Commander Spock."

Hadn't this Vulcan been called the best first officer in the 'fleet? He was the most irritating thing Ganby had ever laid eyes on! Not to mention completely unsocial. He seemed to think he was superior to the humans, too, the damn alien. Kept correcting _everyone. _Ganby doubted what he said was even correct - how would he even know the distance and time? He couldn't know exactly where they were and the time between them and the destination with nothing to tell him. Just trying to appear intelligent, he thought scornfully. And Starfleet thought this _thing _could replace Roland?

He thought back on when the Commander had come aboard. Even the first meeting had shown his rudeness.

_"Permission to come aboard, Sir?"_

_The Vulcan's face was impeccably smooth, completely emotionless as he stepped off the transporter. It was disconcerting, but Ganby tried to ignore it. He was Vulcan, after all, though privately Ganby didn't think much of them. Wasn't this one half-human, though? He had hoped there would be a little life in him, but it seemed he was all Vulcan._

_"Welcome aboard, Commander," He said formally. He gestured to his senior officers, who were with him to meet the Vulcan. When he finished introductions his CMO, Doctor Harcourt, approached the stoic Vulcan enthusiastically._

_"Wonderful to meet you, Sir!" She held out her hand, but he did not move. Smile a little strained now, she said, "You're supposed to shake it." She grabbed his hand in both of her own, gripping it enthusiastically, but he pulled back as though burnt, jumping away, a flash of emotion flying across his face too quickly for Ganby to see. The Vulcan turned to him, and his voice sounded different._

_"May I take my leave, Sir?" His CMO, a friend of his, looked hurt, and resentment filled him._

_"Of course, Mr. Spock."_

* * *

Spock collapsed on the ground in his quarters, grasping his hand to him with a shiver of disgust, feeling violated. The women was a doctor - had she not known what hand contact was to Vulcans? Especially such a full contact as that. He had been forced to shake hands before, but had always been able to reinforce his mental shields and used his control over his body to deaden the feelings beforehand. His hand prickled unpleasantly, and his stomach rebelled, churning strangely. He kept his hand close to him, wishing that he could meditate, but he was expected on the bridge. With some difficulty he stood, and realized he was shaking slightly.

The _Enterprise _crew would have known better.

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Spock was a Vulcan. He did not feel emotion. Still, he had to admit that his time on the _Defiant _had so far been... discomfitting.

Almost all of the looks sent his way, he noted, seemed to have some degree of hostility. Crewmembers seemed either intimidated or resentful of him, based upon body language and speech. It was... different. He had grown comfortable with the _Enterprise, _where people were accustumed to him, and where he had gained (and he could acknowledge this, privately) friends.

He much preferred the _Enterprise._

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"Commander Spock, I would like to speak with you." Ganby held back the temporary First as Alpha shift ended. The Vulcan's expression did not change, and his rising anger flared, but he kept it in check.

Once alone in the briefing room, he turned to the Vulcan. "Please sit, Commander."

Spock did not like the idea of sitting while others stood. He knew there were psychological connections with such circumstances, indicating that Ganby was attempting to appear intimidating by speaking to Spock from a higher place.

"I prefer to stand, thank you."

The Captain clenched his jaw. "_Sit."_

Spock sat.

Ganby pursed his lips, striding back in forth as Spock waited patiently. Finally he whirled around. "What is _wrong _with you?"

"Excuse me, Sir?"

"Do you think yourself superior over us humans, is that it? One day and you're already upsetting everyone! I'll not have you demeaning my crew, you blasted half-breed abomination! You'll start showing some manners, or I swear I'll get you kicked out for your xenophobic attitude, you green-blooded freak."

Spock blinked slowly. "...You are insulting me for being alien and xenophobic? I believe, Captain..."

"Shut up." Ganby said flatly. Spock stared up at him, impassive. "Now, I don't want a _word _out of you unless spoken to first, do you hear me? I'm going to have to put up with you for a week or two, and I won't be having my ship upset by your ways, got it?"

"Yes, Sir."

Ganby clenched his fist. "Don't talk in that insolent, superior tone with me! _I _am your captain now, and you _will _give me proper respect. I don't know what the hell Kirk was thinking, keeping you on, or what connections you have that your worthless hide hasn't been kicked out of the Fleet, but _I _will _not_ put up with your attitude, got it?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Get out."

Spock returned to his rooms to finally meditate. He was not very successful.

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"Fire phasers!"

There was no flash signalling that the _Enterprise _had hit anything. A moment later, a blast rocked the ship. Kirk held onto his chair, though Sulu and Chekov fell, and Roland was flung against the wall.

"Sir, we have to use the escape pods!" Roland yelled.

Kirk ignored him. "Chekov, find out where they're shooting from! Ready photon torpedoes!"

"Aye Sir!"

"We need to _evacuate! Now"_

The _Enterprise _fired, and the Romulan warbird flickered into sight for an instance from the phaser hit.

_"What are you doing?_

"Photon torpedoes, now!"

It was a direct hit. The warbird exploded, rocking the ship from their proximity, and then the space before them was tranquil again. Kirk was regretful for the lost lives of so many, even if they were enemies. Mostly, though, he felt angry.

"We should have evacuated," he heard a voice mutter.

Kirk whirled around suddenly in his chair, making Roland start. "_Evacuate? _This was not a time to _evacuate. _The Romulans would have shot the escape pods down in seconds."

"What were the chances of hitting them?" Roland demanded.

_Spock would have known the chances - and ignored them. _"Not relevant. We're still alive, aren't we? Sulu, previous course."

"Aye aye, Sir."

"Uhura, damage reports." He ignored his first's sputtering behind him. After assessing the damge, he said, "Put us through to the _Defiant._"

He _really hated Roland._

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"You disobeyed a direct order. I _told _you to leave those circuits alone!"

"Your order would have resulted in the deaths of numerous crewmembers."

"No, it would _not _have_. _There was absolutely _nothing _signalling that those circuits would have exploded. My engineers have checked! Nothing! Are you saying you know more than my engineers?" Ganby was red-faced.

_Mr. Scott would have seen the problem. _Spock did not like lying when it was unnecessary, so he said, "Yes."

CRACK

Mr. Spock turned his head back to look at the frozen captain, face expressionless despite his throbbing cheek. "Sir, that is physical assault. You understand I will have to report you for this."

Ganby's mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

"If that is all?" When Ganby said nothing, Spock inclined his head, then left.

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Ganby stared at the spot where the Vulcan had stood, speechless. He didn't feel any guilt, but if Starfleet heard about that -

The comm. whirred, and numbly he went over to the wall and tapped the button. "Captain here."

"Sir, _Enterprise _is hailing us."

_Shit, that quickly?_

"Put them through here."

He settled himself in front of the small screen in the empty briefing room, still feeling strangely disconnected. Captain Kirk took shape in the screen, looking rather angry over something.

"Your first is a _moron. _I'm not jeopordizing my crew by keeping him aboard. We're rendezvousing with the _Defiant. _You're to change course immediately to meet us at the coordinates I'm transmitting. Starfleet has already approved the switch. I'll bring Roland aboard and explain the circumstances. Kirk out."

_...What?_

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"Sir, Captain Kirk and Commander Roland have beamed aboard." Ganby's communications officer informed him. She kept her gaze fixed on him, restraining the urge to glance over at Commander Spock, whose bruised face was the source of much interest.

"Good," He rose, "tell them I'll be down shortly - "

"Er, that's... not necessary, Sir. They're coming up here."

Ganby blinked a little, surprised. "...Alright..." He sank back into his chair, a little bewildered. The door slid open a minute later.

Kirk stormed onto the bridge, face thunderous, with Roland hastening to keep up behind him. His face lightened and morphed to delight, however, when he saw his first officer. "Spock!"

Delighted, he strode to the Vulcan and gave him a brief, one-armed hug, much to Ganby's shock. His face changed to concern, eyes widening in horror, once he saw the bruise his friend sported.

"Spock! What happened?"

Spock's gaze flickered to Roland. He decided that telling Jim in Ganby's presence would be very unwise, given his friends temper.

"I will tell you the details once we are on board the _Enterprise," _he promised.

Ganby blanched. _Shit, shit, shit..._

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Ganby was mysteriously taken out of Starfleet two weeks later.

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	3. The Naked Time

**How a person might react to the events of 'the naked time'.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star trek, characters, places, etc.**

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Ensign Reed from engineering was not quite sure what the big deal was about the Enterprise. It seemed normal to him. Oh, sure, the Chief Engineer, who insisted on being called Scotty, might have been a little eccentric, but there was always one of those excitable officers on any ship. He had just been put on the Enterprise two days ago, but he had a feeling he was going to like it here. It was strange, though. The Enterprise was infamous for having many people transfer off almost as soon as they were posted, much to Starfleet's confusion. It was said it took a special type of officer to exist on the Enterprise for longer than a few days.

Rumors! No truth to them whatsoever, he decided.

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Ensign Reed laughed at a joke told by another Engineering crewman. He was in one of the rec rooms, playing cards with his new shipmates, who were thankfully quite friendly and easy going. He saw two of the bridge crew he recognized, lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov, walk past with another red-shirted ensign, Tormolen, then turned his attention back to the cards.

"No! Don't do it, Joe!"

Everyone turned at Sulu's shout, and Reed was alarmed to see Tormolen brandishing a knife. Sulu lunged. He and the others stood up, and suddenly Tormolen gave a shout, and Sulu sprung back. Tormolen had stabbed himself.

Reed wasn't quite sure what happened next, but after a blur of motion and shouts Joe was swept away by off-duty medical crew, and everyone was... going back to what they had been doing?

What?

He stared, but it seemed everyone had forgotten the terrible incident already. Sulu and Chekov were talking cheerfully at their table, and those around him were focused on the cards. He pinched himself discreetly.

"Reed? It's your turn, Reed."

Reed started a little, realized everyone was staring at him, then numbly turned his attention to the game.

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Later, when Reed was walking down the hall trailing two others and trying to figure out this strange turn of events, Sulu sprang before them, shirtless and sweating and swinging a sabre.

...What?

"Stand, no farther! No escape for you! You'll either leave this war bloodied, or with my blood on your swords!"

What the _hell?_

The two in front of him laughed - until Sulu swiped at them with the sword. They jumped back, alarmed, and Reed turned, fleeing with them as a madly cackling Sulu pursued.

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_"I'll take you home again, Kathleen..."_

Reed winced at the off-key singing, relentless, as he hurried down to engineering. He passed a madly cackling crewman who had a bucket of paint by him, the words _**Love Mankind **_painted on the wall in red. The _Vulcan_ first officer, Mr. Spock, rushed past, face scrunched and one or two tears clearly visible, muttering:

"I am in _control _of my emotions... I am Vulcan, I - " he rushed into a nearby room.

The singing stopped, and Reed sighed in relief even as he hurried, and then Kevin Riley's voice was coming over the comm.

"As Captain of the Enterprise, everyone on ship will be getting double portions of ice cream! And now I'll treat you all to a rendition of Kathleen _one more time!"_

_Damn it._

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Reed finally made it to engineering, after passing a man who couldn't stop dancing (badly) and escaping a young female yeoman who had trapped him and demanded he tell her how beautiful she was.

Someone had lit two padds on fire in the center of the room and was cooking marshmallows (where had he gotten those?) while singing some old campfire song. Another man was happily breakdancing in one corner of the room. Reed took a deep breath and plunged into the chaos.

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_Three weeks later._

Ensign Reed of the _U.S.S. Nelson _was just about to rise and get rid of his tray when he overheard something from behind him.

"....so I was thinking of asking to be posted on the _Enterprise, _the flagship..."

"NO!"

The women and those she was talking to started at his words. "You want on the Enterprise?" he asked, urgently, a mad light in his eyes.

"...Yes...?"

"Don't. Ever. _Ever. _You don't even _know... _Just... Stay _away _from that place, it is _crazy, _just..." Overcome with traumatic memories, he fled.

The science ensigns stared after him mutely.

"...You know, after that you're just too curious to _not _want on the Enterprise..."

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**Please review!**


	4. Maniac!

**At request, Dr. McCoy. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, items, people, etc.**

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Chapter four

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"McCoy, _please _return to Sickbay." Captain Harvid groaned, resting his head on his hands. "We are _not _violating the Prime Directive."

His temporary CMO - gods, he was starting to think that position was cursed to be filled with maniacs here - only glared at him defiantly. He opened his mouth.

Captain Harvid raised his voice. "That was an _order, _Doctor!"

"They're _dying!"_

_"_They _don't know about us! _They don't have the technology we do, we can't interfere!"

"So we should _kill _them? I thought the Prime Directive was so we wouldn't end up contaminating cultures and hurting the people! In this case, _not _interfering is damaging! Seems to me this should be an exception!"

"There are _no exceptions! _We do not have the right to change their natural development - "

"Damn it! I'm a doctor, not a philosopher! I don't care about the circumstances, _we can save them!"_

"And destroy their culture in doing so!" He was yelling too now, and the bridge-crews' heads were swinging back and forth, wide-eyed.

"We don't have to! We could - "

"I'm not going to hear it, Doctor! Get to Sickbay!"

"We - "

"_Doctor! _Am I going to need to call security?" He thundered. "I am giving you a direct order; you are _not _to beam down with the cure, is that clear?" There was a still moment on the bridge, and no one breathed. Glaring, the doctor whirled around and stomped off, and they exhaled.

Harvid took a deep breath, trying to relax his tensed body. The CMO before this temporary one might have tried to poison them for the Romulans, but at least when he had been here he hadn't argued like McCoy!

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"Are you _insane? _This is mutiny, Doctor! Insubordination! I gave you a _direct order _not to - "

"I didn't do a damned thing against your order!"

"I forbade you from beaming the cure down!"

"No, you didn't!" Furious, Harvid opened his mouth, but McCoy said, "You said I couldn't _beam down _with the cure! I didn't!"

Harvid's fist clenched, and he took a deep breath. "Are you a _child, _McCoy? I've never heard anything so ridiculous - you knew damn well what I meant!"

"I haven't done a thing against the Prime Directive! I sent down instructions for their cure in their own language from our data of their species."

"And then just beamed it down right in front of their faces!"

"How else would they notice it?"

"You beamed it down right in front of them! They don't have technology like that, what will they think?"

"That it's a gift from the gods or something, what does it matter?"

"That's interfering, Doctor! You've interfered in their religion, aside from the natural disease!"

"Within a few hundred years that will be nothing more than myth!"

"That's not the point! You can't just - you can't - "Frustrated and flustered, Harvid said, "_Damn you!" _and whirling around left.

That was it, he would grab the next half qualified medical officer he saw for his CMO and ship off the crazy man back to the _Enterprise._ Let maniacs deal with maniacs!

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	5. Scary as Hell

**A/N: I tried to oblige a request for a Chekov-transfer, but bad spelling drives me nuts, and I managed one sentence purposely spelling bad for an accent before I had to quit, which is admittedly a little humorous. Anyone, I'll _probably_ get around to one sometime, but likely without the accent. Sorry!**

**Also; thanks to all the reviewers!**

**If this seems AU, remember Mirror, Mirror, with Sulu and The Search For Spock and that transporter guy, and then remember that she serves on the Enterprise. 'nough said.**

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**Scary as Hell**

Commander Grissan of the U.S.S. _Farragut _regretted bringing the poor temporary communications officer down to the planet. He had brought her down as she knew a good deal about the aliens here (he couldn't pronounce their names) and he thought she would be helpful in negotiations about the treaty with the planet's neighboring world. Well, apparently the huge eight-foot aliens were not so interested in negotiations, and the result was that they were all currently tied up and surrounded by armed guards with both phasers and, as the beings more preferred, swords. Rusty swords, actually, which was probably a health hazard, but then he doubted they cared much about their enemies getting a little infection after, you know, they had just chopped at them with a sword.

His eyes widened as one stepped forward, gesturing to Uhura to stand. Glaring (was she suicidal?) she rose with some difficulty and stood, arms and legs still bound. She spat out something in their language, though with their translators taken he didn't know what, but they did not seem pleased. One raised a sword.

_No!_

He thrashed against his bonds, but they held tight.

They cut her bonds.

He froze, heart racing. She said something else, sounding angry, but now she was ignored. One of them moved forward to grab her shoulder, and he frantically thought of options as she was led away - and then promptly spun and kicked him in the chest.

The alien gave a high shriek totally at odds with his girth and intimidating appearance, collapsing, and as the others descended she punched first one, then another, in the same spot. They fell as well, as though paralyzed, and she elbowed a fourth. The fifth fled, and she shouted after him in that tongue, jeeringly. As he left sigh she grabbed up their phasers, set one on stun, and knocked out each of the aliens.

Calmly, she approached him now as he stared, dumbfounded. She knelt and easily began untying him.

For this he was going to get that girl a commendation if it killed him.

She finished, and at last he found his voice, though what came out was not what he had intended.

"What did you say?"

She told him. He winced.

He stood, massaging his aching muscles and shaking his head in disbelief at her boldness. Then he glanced at the figures on the ground.

"Why did they go down so quickly?"

"Not all creatures have their organs in the same places as humans, you know."

Nyota Uhura was amazing. He would admit that much. She was also, however, scary as hell, and he decided that he much preferred a boring Communications Officer.

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**Reviews?**


	6. Red Shirt Death Ship

**A/N: Sorry about the shortness and wait, a little stuck on ideas. Suggestions welcome!**

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**Red-Shirt Death Ship**

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Newly-minted Ensign Rakin was excited for his first posting. The Enterprise, too! He'd made the flagship of the first go! The guy who'd told him had muttered something about low scores - he must have meant that everyone else had lower scores than him. The thought made him swell with pride.

He was eager to begin duty immediately. So, when Chief Security Officer Gioto had asked for volunteers for the away mission, on a very pleasant planet too, he had immediately volunteered. Strangely no one else had - maybe they had been here before.

Giotto was eyeing Rakin strangely. "This is your first posting, isn't it, Ensign?"

"Yes Sir. Just got out of the Academy two weeks ago," Rakin said, back rimrod straight.

Giotto harrumphed. "Don't be so desperate to throw everything away, kid." Wait, what? "I understand you must have some issues, but you're young yet - don't go rushing into anything."

Rakin was bewildered.

"You can beam down in a few weeks if you still want to," Giotto continued, "And lord knows there's enough excitement even up here." Giotto patted his shoulder. "Dismissed."

Confused, Raking left Giotto, trying to figure out what Giotto was talking about.

* * *

That evening, Raking was walking down a hall and noticed that a room said 'Red shirt rec. room'. He entered and was surprised to find that he had stumbled into a party, of sorts. It seemed to mostly consist of people, alcohol, and some food. He was pretty sure that any alcohol was illegal on a Starship, much less that Romulan Ale that passing Lieutenant was holding. Overhead there was a banner.

FAREWELL ENSIGN TOULDAY, LIEUTENANT FARKIN, CREWMAN LONMER, AND ENSIGN JOHANS

Something stirred in his memory... weren't those the four chosen for the landing party?

And, indeed, there they were, surrounded by people and stone-drunk. Giotto and Lieutenant Commander Scott of Engineering were there, Scott passing around the drinks and looking fairly buzzed himself.

Raking shook his head rapidly, not sure if he was seeing right. The Second Officer and head of Engineering and the _Chief of Security, _which included all those regulations like this, handing out illegal liquor? He slowly backed out of the room, then returned to his quarters

* * *

Two days later, Raking attended a funeral for Ensigns Toulday and Johans, Crewman Lonmer, and Lieutenant Farkin.

* * *

Three days after that he attended the funerals of Ensigns Yake and Ratley, of Security and Engineering respectively.

* * *

Four days and another funeral after that and Raking transferred of the Enterprise. Giotto saw him off, absurdly pleased despite that one of his section seemed to want away. "See? Knew you'd work out those problems, kid. Live life to the fullest."

Raking nodded in agreement, and decided that he would never, ever set step on the Enterprise again. _He _hadn't known it was the death-ship for stupid or suicidal red-shirts.

* * *

**Review?**


	7. Why are we working with humans again?

**A few Vulcan are sent to the Enterprise to gain experience working with other species. These Vulcans, however, are not quite so accustomed to humans as Mr. Spock.**

**Disclaimer; I do not own star trek characters, species, etc. etc.**

* * *

_**Why are we working with humans again?**_

* * *

All motion in the Science Labs seemed to slow slightly as four young Vulcans filed in behind Mr. Spock. They watched the newcomers with interest,

These four officers of the _Intrepid _were here to learn to work better with species besides themselves. If it was seen as necessary, similar exchanges might occur in the future.

Mr. Spock gave them a look, and most hastily returned to their duties. A Science Lieutenant, Valit, approached.

"This is Lieutenant Valit," the Commander told them. "He will give you a tour of the ship, and then explain your duties. If I am not available and you have any questions or concerns, you may see him. Valit, this is Sanok, Silak, T'Prav, and T'Pal."

"A pleasure to meet you," Valit said easily, extending a hand to T'Prav, who stood nearest to him. The reaction was unexpected. She recoiled from his hand, and all four Vulcans tensed. Face turning green, Sanok stepped forward, but Spock threw out an arm to halt him.

"_Kroyka!" _he said sharply.

The room stilled, including the Vulcans. "A shaking of hands is a usual form of greeting between humans; I imagine you are already aware of this. You are _forbidden _from responding to this with violence. With most, explaining that you are a touch-telepath and would prefer to not have physical contact is accepted. However, it may be necessary at times to suffer the contact."

"Excuse me?" Sanok asked.

"You can not avoid it, at times, when dealing with certain races who might take refusal as offensive. I will teach you tactics to limit the discomfort involved." Their faces were blank. "I must return to the bridge."

Valit dropped his hand. "Yes, Sir. I'll show you around the ship," he told the four. Unresponsive, they followed him with precise footsteps.

Science had a feeling that this would be an interesting time.

* * *

Captain Kirk was pleasantly surprised to see one of the new Vulcans approaching him on the bridge with a padd to be signed. He flashed the stoic male a grin as he took the padd.

"Hello - Silak, was it? Have you been enjoying your time on the Enterprise so far?" he asked amiably.

The Vulcan looked at him blankly.

"Please clarify, Sir."

"...Ah..." Kirk gave him a bemused look. "Enjoyed... have you liked the Enterprise so far?"

"...Please clarify, Sir."

He thought he heard Mr. Sulu stifle a laugh, and Uhura gave a suspicious cough. "Do you... have you found your time here interesting?"

"Indeed."

Kirk looked at him, amused. "Well, don't get too excited, now, you're just talking my ear off."

Silak blinked slowly. "Sir, I am not 'excited', nor am I speaking at all, and in any case I do not believe it is physically possible to talk off one's ear." A pause. "Are you ill, Sir?"

Uhura let out a strangled laugh, trying to restrain herself, and Kirk grinned. "Not that I'm aware, Ensign."

"Indeed." Silak did not look much comforted, but then it was hard to tell.

"Compared to you, Spock wears his heart on his sleeve," Kirk muttered to himself, shaking his head.

A touch of expression now came to Silak, mildly alarmed. "Sir, the Commander's heart has been removed?"

"I..." Kirk looked at Silak blankly. "...You know what, I really need to keep my trap shut around you four."

"Trap?"

"Here, Ensign." He handed the signed padd back to Silak. "Get back to Science."

"Yes, Sir. Shall I inform my associate's of the Commander's death?"

Kirk stared at Silak helplessly as the crew burst into laughter.

"...No, don't do that." He said weakly.

"Understood, Sir." Silak saluted sharply, then left. He still heard the laughter of the humans behind him. It was supposed to be an act of happiness, but humans could have odd reactions to deaths, he had been told. Perhaps they were mourning the Commander?

* * *

T'Pal's shift had ended, and she had been invited to join several humans in the mess hall for a meal. Seeing an opportunity to study human behavior, she agreed. She believed they were attempting to engage her in what humans referred to as 'small talk'.

"So, you don't have to eat daily?" One asked with interest.

"It is recommended, but not required. We can go several months without food before it is a cause for any concern."

"Interesting! Vulcans are so secretive about these things - all we know is from the Commander, and I think he can hardly be called the usual Vulcan, all things considered." Others nodded in agreement. "What about those telepathic powers he uses - do Vulcan mind meld a lot with each other?"

"Negative. The skill is rare and hereditary. Furthermore, mind melding is a deplorable act. Those who engage in such behaviors are not welcome in Vulcan society."

She was not quite sure why, but the humans suddenly refused to speak to her.

Strange. Humans were just as illogical as she had heard.

* * *

"Did someone spike his drink?"

"He looks like he's going to vomit! Look how green he is!"

"He's a _Vulcan, _his blood is green, moron."

"Oh."

"I think he's swaying."

"Is he humming?"

Sanok was indeed humming on his spot on the rec. room floor. He was sitting, cross-legged, hands spread before him and swaying lightly.

"That's a little creepy."

"Is that some meditation thing?"

"Seriously, is he drunk, or what?"

"There's no alcohol in here."

Suddenly Sanok jumped up, making the officers scramble back hastily. "I am feeling emotion! This is terrible!" Sanok said happily. "Hm hm hm, hm hm..."

The doors opened, and a security ensign rushed in, with Spock walking behind him serenely. "Is there an issue here?"

The crew stared at him. A few just pointed at Sanok, humming happily.

Spock considered Sanok. "Fascinating."

The crew waited uncomfortably as Spock considered Sanok. Then; "What has happened?"

"We don't know, Sir. He just started acting a little strange, and then suddenly he was... well..." The lieutenant gestured helplessly.

"I see. Did he consume anything in here?"

"Well yes, Sir, but no alcohol or anything, just tried a few chocolates Ensign Yarrow was passing around..."

"Ah. It is little known among even my own people, but chocolate's are an intoxicant to Vulcans." He looked a Sanok. _"Rise," _he said in Vulcan. "_You will come with me."_

_"Why are there no Vulcans here?" _Sanok asked. _"They are too serious. Vulcans are much more preferable. These ones are panicky."_

Spock raised an eyebrow. Humans too serious? _"You will come with me; that is an order."_

That seemed to penetrate, at least, and finally Sanok rose, with some difficulty. _"Yes, _Capitan! _I heard that in a human study... paper... thing... on Terran history of... something with moving - "_

_"How interesting. Come with me."_

Sanok followed, doing his best to whistle, and Spock told himself that nerve-pinching Sanok would not be polite at all...

* * *

T'Prav studied the injury on her hand as she walked to Sickbay. An ensign had tripped as she had walked by, spilling some strange chemicals on her. Now her hand was bright blue and tingling strangely. Her arm was beginning to numb. Curious.

She entered Sickbay, where a few nurses in blue were walking about. The CMO, Doctor McCoy, spotted her first and approached as he saw her hand. "What happened to you?" He asked, motioning for her to sit.

"An unknown chemical agent was unintentionally - "

"Yeah, yeah, it's Science, I get it. Why do they have to get hurt so often?"

She was mildly nonplussed. "Sir, I believe - "

"Rhetorical, Ensign."

Rhetorical?

"Damn it - you're going to have to stay here overnight, I don't know quite how this is going to work with that crazy Vulcan makeup of yours, but if I don't give it to you the results are going to be rather _umpleasant. _Drink this." He was giving her something that might harm her? Well, he was the CMO...

She took the vial she held before her face, draining it, and the vial was snatched away. "Lay down and don't move a muscle until I say so, go it?"

"How do I not - "

_"Expression, _you can breath and whatnot, just stay on the biobed!"

"Yes, Sir." but he was already gone.

She decided she much preferred Vulcan healers.

* * *

_...So we think it would be appropriate to, if the system is to go further, provide each side of the exchange with comprehensive cultural information on the other, given the advents of this experiment..._

* * *

**Review?**


	8. Twenty One is NOT Young!

**A/N: Thanks to reviewers! And remember, open to any suggestions about transfers. Trying to think of one for Sulu, but... *shrugs***

**Disclaimer; I do not own Star Trek, characters, placing, etc. etc. etc...**

* * *

**Star Trek Generation (Pssst... Am I the only one who hated that movie?)**

_**Chekov: "I was never that young."**_

**_Kirk: "No... You were younger._**

"Here, kid, let me take care of that," A passing crewman offered. Before Chekov could speak he had shouldered Chekov aside, fiddling with the machinery Chekov was fixing. "See, what you have to do here..."

Pavel rolled his eyes, huffing slightly, tuning out the babbling man but noting that the man was 'fixing' the panel wrong. He was temporarily on the _Pandora - his _crew would have known better! The man finished, flashed him a smile, and had the audacity to _ruffle his hair _before leaving. Pavel flashed him a fake smile, then scowled darkly, taking the cover off the panel again and fixing the moron's mistake.

He was an ensign, dammit, twenty-one, he was _not _young!

* * *

"Do you vant to spar vith me?" asked Chekov hopefully, seeing the skill with which the lieutenant wielded his sabre. Nowhere near Sulu's level, or even Chekov's, and he was holding it wrong, but anyone to fence with would be fine...

Except the man just laughed.

"I don't want to hurt you, kid. Why don't you practice solo if you're interested in learning? I don't want to accidentally cut you."

And he left.

_Sulu, _Chekov though resentfully, _Taught me already, to a level better than you, and _he _vas _newer_ afraid of hurting me, because he vas a good enough fencer, you..._

If anyone could have heard his thoughts, it may have done well in taking away their image of a child.

* * *

"Now," the nurse told him seriously, "This is going to be rather painful, but it needs to be put on to prevent that chemical wound from being infected, all right? So just hold real still now, it will be over in a moment."

Chekov wondered what kind of chemical it was the officer had spilled on him to cause so much pain, and just nodded. He took a breath as the nurse touched his skin with the liquid.

It tingled.

"..."

Was she serious? He'd been tortured under a Klingon agonizer, was this supposed to hurt?

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" The nurse smiled brightly at him.

"................................"

* * *

Captain Crellis was absolutely still as the Klingon pressed a phaser against his head. He had no clue how these two had gotten aboard, but point was they _were_, and on the bridge, too! One kept him threatened, the other ordering the crew to change course.

"CAPTAIN!" There was a loud THUD.

The Klingon whirled about at his crewmate's yell, then ducked aside as a phaser fire blaster by him. Even as the Klingon raised his own phaser a yellow blur knocked into him; behind him Crellis saw the other Klingon, knocked out. The phaser went off, shooting the communications and showering down sparks, as the Klingon and starfleet officer wrestled, and then the Klingon abruptly went limp, twitching slightly. The officer slammed the phaser against the Klingon's head, and he stilled.

Ensign Chekov sighed in an almost disappointed way, rolling off his victim. "Meester Spock vas right, I hawe not perwected zat 'nerwe peench'." He stood, dusting off his hands, and looked at the captain, eyes wide and baby-blue and innocent. "I am wery sorry about zat, zir. Shall I fix ze Communications console?"

Crellis _stared._

"Keptin?"

"Kid, you do whatever the hell you want."

* * *

**Have to love Chekov. Reviews?**

* * *

Twenty-One is not young!


	9. The Rule

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! Also, thanks for pointin out that Chekov was 22... I'll change that chapter at, eh, some point. As for the other requests, I'll try to oblige when I can, but still thinking on how to write them, and some I think I won't be able to do. Sigh. Any suggestions on how to do Sulu? **

**And as always, thanks to all who took the time to give reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek nor any of the characters, technologies, bleh bleh.**

* * *

**The Rule**

* * *

Scotty was not happy.

Captain Kirk had been temporarily transferred from Enterprise to another ship, the _Denver, _presumably to give both he and the other captain command experience over different personnel... Or something like that. He hadn't payed much attention at the briefing. Either way, he did _not _like Captain Harril.

The captain wasn't, really, that bad as a person. A little arrogant and condescending, a little brusque at times, but mostly alright. No, the problem was that the captain was one of those who tried to distance himself from the crew. However, as a human he still needed social contact, so he did permit himself to socialize with select higher-ranking members of the crew. And as he and Commander Spock seemed to share a mutual dislike of each other, and Scotty was next in line of command, he found himself so _privileged _as to have his company sought out by Harril. And unlike with Kirk, Scotty couldn't refuse this Captain without being offensive. So he had to accept his offers of a shared meal or card game or whatever the hell the blind fool wanted to do, and Scotty did not like that. At all.

He was _itching _to get back to his bairns. _Kirk _understood and shared his love of the silver lady. He just smiled and let Scotty be whenever the Chief Engineer explained that he wanted to stay in Engineering, for whatever a reason. Scotty fell asleep in some random niche down there often. The personnel didn't even bother waking him up anymore to move, unless he was in the way of their work. When he was not in Engineering or the transporter room, he was very likely reading technical journals. Occasionally on duty he was called to the bridge or put on a landing party, but not often, and only rarely in his free times did he socialize in the rec. rooms or go on shoreleave. It might seem strange and obsessive, and maybe it was, but Scotty liked it that way.

And this damnable idiot was keeping him away from his engines.

But Scotty, despite being somewhat temperamental at times, was generally a pleasant enough sort, so he was able to stew quietly in silence.

Except then Harril broke **The Rule**.

He broke **The Rule**, and _right _in front of the person whose actions had necessitated **The Rule**.

The Rule? Never, **ever, **evereverever talk badly of the Enterprise - because, one way or another, _Scotty found out._

In this case, however, no finding out was required.

"Sir," said Scotty, trying to interrupt Harril's ramblings politely, "I really would like getting back to Engineering, if you don't mind."

"You _do _spend a lot of time down there." _I could spend MORE, if it weren't for you - _"The engines must be in terrible shape. Of course, the Enterprise can't compare to the _Denver, _I understand."  
Scotty might have stopped breathing a moment at this point.

It seemed like everyone had heard , because the room hushed, and Scotty felt rather than saw Spock half rise across the rec room. His vision had tunneled to Harril.

"Now, the _Denver, _you would like her, _she _is a beauty." The captain seemed oblivious. "I suppose that the _Enterprise _isn't bad, of course, but I don't see what the fuss is about with her, in my opinion she's a little out-dated, and if you ask me..."

He didn't have time to finish his sentence.

THUD

With an inarticulate roar Scotty launched himself at his superior officer, all his frustration boiling over. He only got in a few blows on the shocked man before Spock (rather reluctantly, he would insist later) hauled him off the captain.

Some of the watchers were horrified. Others, especially from Engineering, looked a little proud.

Scotty was in the brig for a few days, confined to quarters for a while, fined, and had shore leave revoked for quite a time, not to mention the official reprimand forever in his file for daring to assault his commanding officer. Kirk had a few words for him when he was back.

But it was _worth it._

* * *

***Grins* I love Scotty.**

**Reviews?**


	10. Francis

**In answer to previous reviews; I love Scotty, really, and I understand he does have more of a life than JUST the engines, but it's pretty much a humor fic. Don't take it seriously!**

**Thanks to all reviewers for input. :) Also, suggestions would be great!**

**Disclaimer; I do not own Star Trek, nor do I make any money off of this text.**

* * *

**Because, sadly, not much is know about Sulu; but he is into botany!**

* * *

"Do you have an explanation for this, Ensign Sulu?" Captain Renalds asked tersely, clenching his jaw.

"Lieutenant Sulu, Sir." Sulu corrected.

"Not for much longer. What did you _do?"_

"I just wanted a friend for Gertrude - "

"For _who?"_

"My weeper plant," Sulu said somewhat abashedly. "She was lonely."

"Your plant."

"Yes."

"Your plant was lonely."

"Yes, Sir."

"Your plant was lonely, so you got another plant that's eating the crew."

"Technically, Sir, it's not really _eating _them, just, kinda, capturing them…?"

"Ensign?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

A very, very, very large plant of rather questionable parentage was taking up most of the hall outside Sulu's quarters. And the inside of his quarters too, or so he imagined. Really, he'd just wanted a friend for Gertrude, and the plant, Francis (he was assuming it was male), had really been a normal-sized and pleasant looking plant a few days ago when he had come aboard the _U.S.S. Takatoya. _It wiggled a little, and occasionally growled or purred, but then so did Gertrude. Of course… the captain and Mr. Spock _had _been poisoned by plants from Francis' home planet… hmm. Of course, this _was _considerably different than poison.

Sulu saw a security guard, frustrated, hold up a phaser.

"No! Don't hurt Francis!" He insisted, rushing forward and waving his hands. The guard jumped and looked at him like he was a maniac as he took the phaser.

Hmm. He seemed to get that look a lot…

Renalds made a strangled noise. "You _named _it?"

"You can't hurt him," Sulu insisted again. "He could be - sapient."

"Sapient."

"Yes!"

"A plant."

"Yes!"

"…A sapient plant."

"Yeah! I bet he's just afraid. Why not?"

"Because it's a _plant!" _Oh, Renalds would be having a _long _discussion with Kirk after this.

"So? At least let me try to talk to him!"

"It's a _plant!"_

Renalds was ignored, Sulu squeezing through the frantic group of scientists studying the plant (from a safe distance) to jump right at it.

Reaching vines swung him into the air almost immediately, but Sulu was used to far worse things on _Enterprise. _

"It's alright, they're not going to hurt you," Sulu cooed. Upside down, he reached out to pet a vine soothingly. There was a distinct _crack _as his ankle was snapped. The plant started growling. "Now, I know you're very frightened, Francis, but they'll calm down and stop all this if you release the other people there, hmm? And then we can drop you off on a nice planet, if you'd like." Then, feeling generous; "You can even take Gertrude with you, if you'd like. And if she's okay with it. You'll like Gertrude."

He heard a few curses from Renalds below him, but he was used to _McCoy, _seriously. Was that supposed to intimidate him? He turned his attention back to Francis, who was growling more quietly.

He patted a few leaves consolingly. "I probably shouldn't have taken you from your planet. I apologize, I didn't realize you were intelligent. A lot of plants aren't. I can probably get you back to your home, and if not at least some other planet where you can be, er, happy." He paused briefly, considering if plants could be happy. "Could you please let those ensigns down?"

There was silence from the plant, and then a slight rustling.

THUD.

"OW!"Sulu smiled cheerfully as the ensigns were released. "Thank you! I'll talk to Renalds." The plant wasn't releasing him, but that was alright. It was, he concluded, a definite sign of intelligence, holding onto a bargaining chip. Hmm, he hoped Francis would let him take a skin… er, leaf sample before he left. A sapient plant!

"Captain, Francis wants us to drop him and Gertrude off at the planet I got him at, do we have time?" He rattled off a few coordinates.

Francis started purring.

There was a considerable pause before the answer reached him.

"…Eh?"

* * *

"I think we're going to be here awhile, Francis. Hey! How about I tell you a story? This was one of my favorites. Once upon a time…."

* * *

"Francis, I think you need to get some rain, you smell a little."

"…"

"Ow! Since when do you have thorns?"

* * *

Sulu was very depressed, three days later, to see Francis and Gertrude off. He hugged Francis' vines mournfully. A shame, really. Francis had a great sense of humor.

"Ensign?"

"Lieutenant."

"…Lieutenant. How about this; I agree to not mention this in my reports, and you go back to the Enterprise three weeks early without a fuss."

"How?"

* * *

"How the hell did you break your leg and ankle over there?" McCoy demanded. Sulu just shrugged at the rhetorical question as the doctor hovered around. An inconvenience, being bed ridden, but who cared? It gave him time to analyze those samples from Francis!

"Wipe that smirk off your face!"


End file.
